June 28 log

I was planning to walk to the studio today and take pilates and werq classes, but I haven't been getting much sleep lately and feel as though I'm fighting a cold. Probably wisest to take it "easy" in the 100-degree heat and just walk home. This feels like something that can be kicked with one good night's sleep. Also, I generally need to get better about getting more sleep. It's one big area where I consistently fail, and I've heard a number of times that it can contribute to stress, cortisol and leptin dysregulation, etc. So...that's tonight's project. Tomorrow I'll push myself hard in the morning and evening workouts (and probably again Saturday morning).

Also, my muscles still haven't completely recovered from Tuesday's workout. What is going on with this? Muscle recovery has been extraordinarily slow, and I've felt physically more fatigued the past month or so. I don't believe it's all attributable to the hot weather we've had. The possibility did occur to me this morning that I may need to increase my carb intake, so I'll experiment with that tonight, with a fried plantain.

Yesterday's log:
Food
B: Korean short ribs - 6 (650 cal)
L: Bone broth, no marrow/cartilage - 50 cal
D: Tandoori goat - no idea on calories, but pretty straightforward -- meat marinated in spices, very minimal sauces

Exercise
TA omnicentric DVDs, half-assed - 1 hr
BBB prep - 40 min, half-assed strength
teach BBB

Today's plan:
Food
B: Beef roast, no seasonings/sauces (8 oz, ~400 cal)
L: Bone broth, some remaining fat from beef roast (1.5 c broth, 1 oz fat; ~200 cal?)
D: Korean short rib/bok choy soup

Exercise
walk to work & home (8 mi)

Tomorrow's plan:
Food
B: Korean short rib/bok choy soup
L: ???
D: ???

Exercise
easy jog (~4 mi)
TA omnicentric DVDs, 1 hr
walk to/from studio (3 mi)
BFC prep
BFC (teach)

Fructose malabsorption

I've been trying to mimic the approach I took two weeks ago, when I thought I saw real results from the diet/fitness. Over the last few weeks, with the exception of maybe two days, I've eaten a meat-based breakfast and lunch, followed by some sort of movement (mostly low-level, walking) and a dinner of 1-2 lb leafy greens along with some meat. There have been several problems with this:

-My salt intake at dinner is quite high
-I have not felt sated at dinner (and have increasingly felt less sated after breakfast), despite a full stomach -- this leads to eating too much and an overly full stomach
-I have put on weight; at first I thought it was bloating, but it's not. It's fat.
-It's either been too hot or I haven't had the energy to do any high-intensity exercise for two weeks. Yesterday was the first day since my first sprint set that I did any high-intensity work (heavy, crossfit-like lifting and 4-6 Tabata-ish running sprints)

Clothes fit more tightly, and I constantly have food in my gut, which makes me feel sluggish and means I'm accumulating fat. So...this method hasn't worked.

New strategy:
-decrease (but not eliminate) the amount of added salt on everything; I still need some sodium to prevent muscle cramps
-cut back on the vegetables; eating them as a side rather than main meal (I should experiment with eating them before/after meat, but am guessing it's better to start with them)
-estimate caloric intake and logging daily exercise/movement
-possibly experiment with soups? might help to fill the belly without the digestive issues related to high vegetable intake
-incorporate more running/cardio exercise; I have seriously slacked on the cardio front, though I have been doing plenty of strength work and walking


Yesterday's log:
Food
B: Korean short ribs - ~4-5 (400-500 cal)
L: Bone broth with marrow/cartilage - 1 c (~200 cal)
D: Leafy greens roasted with coconut oil - 400 cal
    Thai curry - 600 cal?

Exercise
crossfit workout (Train Like Jane)
run - 45 min, including 4-6 Tabata sprints
walk to work (4 mi)
walk home (5 mi)

Today's log:
Food
B: Korean short ribs - 6 (650 cal)
L: Bone broth, no marrow/cartilage - 50 cal
D: ???

Exercise
TA omnicentric DVDs, half-assed - 1 hr
teach BBB

Tomorrow's plan:
Food
B: Beef roast, no seasonings/sauces
L: Bone broth
D: Korean short rib/bok choy soup

Exercise
TA omnicentric DVDs x2
easy jog
walk to work (4 mi)


***Edit***
My attention was just drawn to this blog post: http://theprimalparent.com/2012/03/31/ibs-depression-skin-fructose-malabsorption/

Many of the symptoms I've been experiencing -- bloating (for nearly 2 weeks, my belly has looked like the "before" photo in this post, and I've lost muscle definition all over), constipation, carb cravings, acne, and headaches -- could be explained by this. But when my diet consists almost entirely of meat and leafy green vegetables, and I don't eat fruit or sweets, what could possibly contain fructose?

The list of fructan-containing foods toward the bottom of the page lists onions, garlic, coconut milk and meat (but not coconut oil), asparagus as containing fructans. Tomato paste contains fructose; tomatoes and red bell peppers also do, but can be eaten in very small quantities.

I don't entirely understand my symptoms, then, although I do eat tomatoes and onions on a regular basis. My positive results a few weeks ago weren't in response to decreased intake in those foods, I don't think...

Of the fructose/fructan-free foods listed, these are the ones I can eat without other intolerance issues (eg, intolerance to eggs, dairy, nuts):

meat
olives
lemons/limes
plantains
yams (not sweet potatoes)
leafy greens?? (the jury's out on this one)
coconut and olive oils

Okay in small quantities:
avocado
blueberries

From reading blog comments, onions and garlic/garlic powder can be major contributors to fructose malabsorption symptoms, so I suppose it's time to cut those out and see the effects. And buy some olives...

Perhaps a "guacamole" of avocados + lime juice + cumin + salt would be acceptable in small quantities...probably no more than 1/2 to 1 avocado/day, if no other fructans/fructose is consumed.

Memory

Since this site is more or less a journal:

I've forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship. I would like to be reminded, and maybe to discover what it is to be in a healthy, strong one. I suspect it would take a lot of emotional work on my part, to keep a healthy perspective; I'm okay with that. It's an area of my life where I would like to see some growth.

I want to learn to be vulnerable with another person, to trust. I want to know how it feels to fully open myself to being in love.

Careful

I feel like I'm starting to get a cold, and my muscles haven't recovered from Tuesday's sprint session, so I'm backing out of today's planned sprint.

Yesterday I needed extra food in order to fall asleep (and yet, still slept lightly and awoke at 4 am for no apparent reason; indicates some additional stress that I haven't identified).

Actual food intake:
-6 oz ground beef (85% lean)
-9 oz pork shoulder (no sauce, just salt and other spices)
-1 bunch kale
-1 Tbsp coconut oil
-5 pork rinds
-1/2 Tbsp almond butter

Actual exercise:
Tracy Anderson video
walk to work
walk to/from studio
teach BBB
light cardio prep work for BFC (probably 20-30 min with many breaks)

Today
Food intake:
-Tuna in olive oil (200 g @ 200 cal/100 g = ~450 cal)
-1 bunch kale
-1 Tbsp coconut oil
-2 oz pork w/salt & seasoning
-1/2 duck breast (~250 cal)

Exercise:
Walk to work (4 mi)
Walk home (5 mi - long route)
Easy run? TA video? depends on how my body feels tonight...

Some results

Friday was the last day I did any cardio exercise worth noting. So it was four days between then and last night, when I did a short run -- probably 3 miles -- to warm up, sprint 8 times for 20 seconds each time (with 10 sec to 1.5 min rest between sprints). It wasn't an exhaustive workout, but it felt good. I still had energy toward the end and muscle glycogen levels didn't feel depleted when I returned home, although my quads were tired enough that I had to walk/run the last block or two home, to give them a rest. For the first sprint session in nearly a year, I think it went spectacularly.

Given that I hadn't done cardio exercise in a while, and that I ate a breakfast and lunch of fish yesterday, I wasn't terribly hungry after the run, so ate only a few bites of ground beef, an entire bunch of kale (with 1 Tbsp coconut oil), and three pork rinds from fabulous Becker Lane. A few hours later, my stomach was too empty to sleep, so I had a spoonful of almond butter and two anchovy fillets.

Given my hunger levels throughout the day (i.e., nonexistent), I was concerned I'd become dehydrated and nauseous during the run; this normally happens if my body is still digesting food. But throughout the sprints I had energy; my muscles had recovered from the 90-degree humidity of the previous weekend, and everything went smoothly.

When I woke up this morning, I had more muscle definition than I've had in a while. A noticeable difference from the previous day, indicating less water retention/bloating. Muscles are a bit tired, but I'm hoping they'll recover throughout the day. Overall, they're less tired than they were this past weekend. Hunger level still isn't too high.

The forces combined in harmony yesterday, and I like today's results. Now, an attempt to discover what elements contributed to that.... my guess is that I fueled sufficiently earlier in the day, giving me energy for the sprints (and muscles were sufficiently rested to complete the sprints); the sprints curbed my appetite, leading to less desire for a huge dinner (I think this is a big contributor), thus leading to an overall lower caloric intake throughout the day.

Gonna try a similar regimen again tomorrow.

Today's plan:
Food
B: Handful of ground beef (85% lean)
L: Handful of ground beef (85% lean)
D: ?

Exercise
Tracy Anderson hipcentric 1.2.2 DVD
Walk to work (4 mi)
Walt to/from studio (3 mi)
Teach BBB
Prep for Friday's BFC (some cardio)

Conjectures

I still can't figure it out. On one hand, cleaning up my diet has had a positive effect on my skin. And I've noticed, in this short time period, some minor and temporary increases in muscle definition. But overall, fat levels are much higher, and my body has more curves, than I ultimately want.

A professional ballet dancer has suggested stretching muscles immediately after fatiguing them. This may contribute to lengthening.

A physiological approach to strength training suggests that resistance exercises performed at 2-6 reps to fatigue (no more than 6 reps), with 30 sec to 3 min rest between sets (2-4 sets total/exercise) will increase muscle definition but not size.

Information on Tabata sprints (and HIIT in general) suggests improved fat burning with various forms of HIIT exercise.

What this means for me:
*Spend more time stretching and rolling muscles, on a daily basis.
*Incorporate at least 2 sessions of running sprints each week. These can be short workouts, and they will undoubtedly be painful at first. But I do think they will be worthwhile.
*Possibly incorporate a few body weight-based exercises with the sprinting sessions, that can be performed to exhaustion within 2-6 reps (pull-ups and possibly modified push-ups come to mind)

In terms of food, I'm not sure what direction to take this. Perhaps maintaining a clean diet is sufficient for now. For the most part, I am satisfied with this, but occasionally (and particularly lately) I'm not sated by the same two types of food, and the large servings of meat are less appetizing than they used to be. I suspect my body needs some carbohydrates, considering the type of food I've wanted lately. The question is whether I should increase my vegetable intake in lieu of large meat servings -- will this create hormonal problems and skin flare-ups? Will I be sated by a meal? Will I be bloated and carry extra weight in my gut? One of the essential parts of the plan I ultimately settle on is that it's easy and comfortable to maintain in the long term. I cannot be hungry or feel weak from blood sugar swings; that is not sustainable.

Day 1 (re-up)

I saw a video of myself in workout clothes today. My legs and arms are much bigger than I would like. Apparently I need to be more careful with this, and do it right. For food choices, I need to be more careful with portion sizes, stop caving to sweet-tooth cravings, and opt for lower-fat choices when available. Exercise is less clear. Would more exercise serve my purpose, or will it simply maintain my muscular physique? I would like for my muscles to be smaller overall, for my body to have a leaner, more streamlined appearance. It's possible that more exercise would contribute to bulkiness and a more "ripped" appearance, which I don't want (it's not terribly feminine, and I don't like the look on other women). Less exercise would mean simultaneously lowering my caloric intake. But I'm not sure what type of exercise I should cut out/reduce. What exactly is making me bulky? Is it instead the food that's doing this? It's really quite frustrating, as I don't know the answer and am not sure the best way to discover it. I wonder if, perhaps, following the Whole30 program as outlined in the upcoming book might be helpful, as the female author does appear to have a very lean body.

An additional confusing factor is why my legs (particularly upper legs) have never been as muscular as my arms. My abs still have a layer of fat on them, as well, that hides the muscles I saw briefly (oh, it was great!) this winter.

What was I doing this winter when I was at my leanest? Teaching 5 days/week at the studio. It appears that I was also eating about 1200-1300 calories/day. Perhaps I ought to start keeping track of caloric intake again, and aim for that amount. This time, following a Whole30 program, hunger, energy levels, and cravings shouldn't be much of an issue. I vaguely remember being tired and hungry in winter, or alternately running off adrenaline.

The plan for this week: continue exercise as per the usual (walk to work, teach in evenings, walk home if/when possible). Begin to track caloric intake, being more careful with portion sizes and dealing with any hunger by drinking teas and/or taking R-lipoic acid supplements.

This week's goal: become more aware of my caloric intake/expenditure.

Ugh...starting over

After returning from the long weekend last week, I gradually slid into less desirable habits -- generally the addition of non-Whole30-approved sauces, and a bit of restaurant food. Culminating in tonight's indulgence in 4 tablespoons of sweetened almond butter, which gave me a stomach ache for a few hours. Quite simply, I need to be more careful.

Starting over.

Day 10

This is getting tougher. Partly because I am trying to use up the food that's been in my freezer for months, and what remains is my least favorite (how do you cook antelope medallions, anyway?). So I've been trying to make things taste better by adding non-Whole30-approved BBQ sauces or semi-okay "cookies" (technically, they should be okay -- they're made of fruit and nuts/seeds, but I can't believe something sweet would be acceptable). Today I've struggled to avoid sugar-free gum, drink mixes, etc.

Food
B: US Wellness beef frank, 2 oz shredded chicken (~300 cal total)
L: Ortiz Bonito del Norte tuna (220 cal)
D: ?

Exercise
Walk to work (4 mi)

In addition, last night was the third night in a row that I've gotten 5-6 hours of sleep. I'm sure that's not helping things, particularly in feeling full/sated after eating.

Obviously I need to source some tastier meat, stop forcing myself to eat food I don't enjoy - particularly when I'm being so restrictive with the diet - and get more sleep.

Day 9

Once again, I didn't get enough sleep, but forced myself out of bed at 5:20 am.

Food
B: US Wellness beef frank, smoked oysters
L: US Wellness beef frank
D: Beef stew

Exercise
Walk to work (4 mi)
Walk to studio & home (3 mi)
Teach BBB
Zumba

Days 5-8

Memorial Day weekend

I was physically very tired most of the weekend, probably in recovery from Saturday:

Exercise

2 Tracy Anderson hipcentric workouts (1.5 hr)

Walk to studio & home, plus an errand (3.5 mi)

Teach BBB

Sunday's exercise involved standing around for several hours in the morning; that seemed to be enough for my body. Monday I got even less exercise, but I felt I'd physically recovered.

Food

I was very careful with food over the weekend; ate relatively little Saturday, an entire pound of elk Sunday, and a fair amount of tuna, burger, the 1 remaining lamb sausage, and something dietarily acceptable but rather forgettable. Overall, I stuck to the plan.

Tuesday

I didn't get enough sleep Monday night, and felt the effects throughout Tuesday.

Food

Tonnino tuna with jalapeno

Venison goulash

Chicken with skin and BBQ sauce

Exercise

Walk to work (4 mi)

Run an errand at lunch (.75 mi)

Walk home (5.5 mi)

Day 4

I'm not 100% on the Whole30, but I'm much closer than I ever have been. Sugar-free gum and drink mixes are still out. In this morning's breakfast (chocolate chili) I added much less bbq sauce than I have before. But -- I am starving! I'm eating a lot more food than normal, the temps are quite high, and I am unusually hungry. Not sure what this is about...

Day 4
B: Chocolate chili, guacamole, 4 lamb sausages (wow! probably not good...)
L: Chocolate chili, US Wellness beef frank
D: Sashimi, 2 lamb sausages

Exercise
Walk to dry cleaning (1.5 mi)
Walk downtown & around (6-7 mi)

Day 3

I recalled a college archaeology course, in which the professor described how health had deteriorated with the invention of agriculture. What did we eat before that time? I investigated. I thought I should try to cut back on the breads and oatmeal. Maybe try eating more meat (this from a 30-year vegetarian). Overall, the paleo lifestyle sounded easier than my lifestyle. People kept weight off without constant exercise and starvation. That sounded nice.

I mostly cut out bread, grains, legumes, and dairy. Mostly. I still ate a little sugar every night, but much less than before.

Then, one day, I came across a comment on Mark's Daily Apple from a woman who had cured her PCOS. Normally this wouldn't interest me, as the type of PCOS I have differs from the type associated with overweight. But this woman had always been lean, and she had had cystic acne. She had the same type of PCOS as me! She had done her research, tried a number of different methods to cure the syndrome, and finally found something that worked.

It was a strict lifestyle, to say the least. But she provided the details and explained why it worked. I spent hours researching the topic on PubMed, to be reassured that I wouldn't have the same acne-explosion I had a few years previously, when I tried quitting the Pill (and had to undergo a course of Accutane to curtail it). Once I felt somewhat confident the changes would work, I jumped into the ice-cold water head first.

Well, mostly.

For several months I became much more strict about gluten, dairy, fruit, vegetable, and grain/legume intake. Mostly I ate fatty meat, flavored with some onions, red peppers, and tomatoes. I threw in raw meat, downed probiotics to improve digestion (to heal the skin-gut barrier) and supplements to get my adrenals back in line. As months passed, my acne didn't return. More or less, my skin remained clear. So I started to test my limits. I was pretty sure I had a glucose deficiency, due to teaching aerobic fitness classes and a too-low intake of carbohydrates. Sweet potatoes were a start, and chocolate. And nut butters. I added large quantities of kale (1 bunch/day), then moved on to giant salads as a dinner (rather than meat). Chocolate intake increased. One day this spring, I ate a chocolate croissant.

None of these things resulted in an immediate acne outbreak, but small bumps began to appear on my chin. Then surface pimples appeared, first one, then two, then five. They weren't deep, so I didn't worry. A few showed up on my neck and chest. I was annoyed, but still thought I had it figured out. My doctor, who had been very accommodating on this journey, suggested I was ready to start nudging my hormones into the proper cycle, and she started me on a very light regimen of topical creams. This kicked the breakout into overdrive, as well as my cravings for sugar. I was eating more, putting on weight, and experiencing blood sugar swings again -- I wasn't able to skip meals without extreme hunger. I spent about a week with a near-migraine, something that used to be constant but that I hadn't experienced in months. One day I broke down and ate a large amount of candy, equivalent to what I had eaten before changing my diet. And that, I knew, was my second tipping point.

In comes the Whole30, or some variance of it -- at least, a much stricter diet than I have done previously. I cut out sugar-free drink mixes and gum, which were totaling several quarts (mixes) and three packs (gum) each day. I cut out most of the processed sausages that substituted as desserts -- sodium, sugar, and caloric content were all much higher than my body can tolerate. Most of the flavorings I used heavily -- dressings, sauces, and condiments -- are eliminated. No more spur-of-the-moment bread treats, no more sweetened chocolate (except for the unsweetened cocoa in chocolate chili).

The first two days were rough and involved an abbreviated carb flu, my body sore, stiff and tight, exhausted, cloudy, and sleepy. If given the option, I would have stayed in bed both days. Today, my energy levels are somewhat recovered, and I suspect I would feel better had I gotten more than 6 hours of sleep.

Day 3
B: Two US Wellness garlic beef franks
L: 1 lamb sausage, guacamole
D: Salmon w/o skin, asparagus (~10 spears), guacamole, 4 lamb sausages

Exercise:
Walk to work (4 mi)
Walk at lunch (1.5 mi)

The Tipping Point (and Day 2)

Yesterday was a strange day, and a good reminder of how far I've come over the last year. I'll get to that tomorrow; in the meantime, here's a summary of how far I've come:

One year ago this weekend, I started reading about paleo diets, and rapidly became engulfed my version of a primal/paleo lifestyle. It took over my way of thinking, acting, and interacting with the world. Over the course of four months, I went from eating oatmeal, yogurt, pounds of fruit each day, and salads, topped off at night with candy. A safe estimate of my daily caloric intake from the evening sugar binge is 50%. But despite exercising several hours each day and eating healthfully, I couldn't get rid of a layer of fat on my entire body, and the particularly persistent fat at my waistline. I did crunches like a madwoman, but never saw definition in my abs. Even when I weighed 103 lb in my mid-20s, I didn't have definition there. I would look at the people I passed on the street and wonder how they managed it. And yet, I was constantly hungry. I battled depression and anxiety. My body was tired from exercise. If I relaxed and ate more, or exercised less, the depression would grow stronger and I would put on weight in the form of fat. This simply didn't make sense -- was I forced to choose between constantly pushing and being uncomfortable, versus unhappiness and lethargy?

I also began to wonder if a lifelong dependence on hormonal contraceptives, while effective at its intended purpose of keeping my cystic acne at bay, was perhaps not conducive to one day having children. I turned 31 that spring, and my biological clock began to tick. It occurred to me that my dependence on the Pill (or, rather, the cystic acne) might indicate a fundamental illness that was going untreated. Several doctors had told me I likely had PCOS, although a formal diagnosis had never been made. I was lean (most women with PCOS are overweight), but I had never had a regular period and I had cystic acne that responded to anti-androgen medication -- to me, these were enough to constitute a diagnosis, and I believe they satisfy the official criteria.

Also, I had a strong suspicion that, despite my efforts, my health was deteriorating, and I was on track to develop diabetes, cancer, and cardiovascular disease. I strongly relied on my nightly sugar binge, to get me through the day and to sleep at night. I knew, however, that I had symptoms of insulin resistance, and I saw the signs with each night's blood sugar roller coaster. I also knew that the roller coaster wasn't nearly as big as it had been years before, indicating insulin resistance. Studies were being published on the cancer-promoting effects of sugar intake. But it tasted good, and I looked forward to evenings because I could finally have a full stomach. And I could not go a day without it.


Recap of Day 1 (actual food intake and exercise)
B: 1/2 tin sardines
L: 1/2 tin sardines
D: Chocolate chili, 2 lamb sausages, small amount of fatty meat from a beef broth I made a while back
Oops: 1 glass Ocean Spray on-the-go drink mix

Tracy Anderson hipcentric DVD 1.2
Walk to work (4 mi)
Walk at lunch (easy)
BFC
Walk home (1.5 mi)

Notes: I was tired and had a headache most of the day. Had a major sugar slip last weekend, and am still clearing that out of my system. Apparently, I have to go through the low-carb flu again...I haven't had a headache in so long, today was a shock!

Day 2
B: 1/2 US Wellness pemmican bar
L: 1/2 US Wellness pemmican bar
D: Chocolate chili, 1 US Wellness beef frank, 1 lamb sausage, guacamole

Tracy Anderson hipcentric DVD 1.2
Walk to work (4 mi)
Walk at lunch (easy)
BBB (teach)
Walk home (1.5 mi)

Note: Woke up at 5:10 am without an alarm. Hungry at wakening, muscles were tired on the walk to work. Physically tired, tight, and sore all day.

Starting out

The intent of this blog is to explore the techniques and attain my goal of an ideal healthy, lean body. The basis on which I'll achieve this body is a paleo diet, but the specific macronutrient makeup of that diet, and how I'll regulate it, need to be determined.

Exercise is also a key component of building my body, and I'll study and experiment with a variety of exercise modalities along the way. The key to the physical movement component of all of this must be, ultimately, long-term sustainability. For example, a regimen built around 4 hours of daily endurance or high-intensity exercise is less realistic and sustainable than one that incorporates constant lower-intensity, functional movement throughout the day.

Where I'm starting from:
Regarding fitness, I know that I need regular moderate- to high-intensity cardio exercise to help maintain a positive mood, and some sort of strength/conditioning regimen is important to help sculpt the body I want. Walking is a meditative exercise and a long-time passion of mine, and I will continue to incorporate that whenever possible. The type of cardio and strength exercises that I decide to pursue are yet to be determined.

As for diet, I am committed to following a Whole30 approach to diet, beginning immediately. This will be my "reset" to remind me what real food is, and how my body functions when I fuel it appropriately. However, because of health issues, a more customized Whole30 will be necessary -- and it will be rather similar to the carnivorous diet described by Peggy Emch of The Primal Parent, with the addition of some vegetables (mostly guacamole and kale for snacks; onions, red peppers, and limes for flavor; I'll limit the red peppers and tomatoes to avoid aggravating a sensitivity to nightshades). Dairy, gluten, grains, legumes, sugars, artificial sweeteners (including drink mixes and gums, even post-meal!!!), caffeine (including decaf coffee), and any other processed food is entirely prohibited. For the most part, I will attempt to choose lower-fat options, rather than eating spoonfuls of oil as I have in the past; but I recognize that a significant amount of healthy fats is important, and relative to a SAD I will still be eating a high-fat diet. Also, I will keep in mind portion sizes, as I have let these get out of control. Finally, I will incorporate intermittent fasting 2-3 times/week, skipping one or two meals as hunger dictates. Otherwise, I'll eat small breakfasts and lunches most days, finishing with a larger dinner.

My body composition at present is more muscular than I ultimately want. I would like my shoulders, arms, and legs (particularly calves) to all be somewhat less muscular; jumping from dance has made my ankles and knees thicker, and I recall that they were thinner when I was a runner. I also want to lose some of the fat all over my body, obtaining a soft shape to my arms, abs, and legs so that muscles are visible but appear feminine; at present, my arms have a masculine look and my legs have the shape of a sprinter. My abs look like those of a weightlifter.

Essentially, I have both more muscle and more fat on my entire body than I want, and my goal is to find a sustainable, non-tortuous lifestyle that helps me obtain what I'm looking for and maintain it year-round without fighting hunger or energy levels, or encountering time constraints and added stress, on a daily basis.

Today's weight: 117 lb
Goal weight: 105 lb

Plan for Tuesday, May 22:
Exercise:
Tracy Anderson DVD (2 segments, hipcentric 1.2)
Walk to work (3.8 mi)
Easy walk at lunch
BFC
Walk home from studio (1.5 mi)

Diet:
B: sardines (1/2 tin, ~200 cal)
L: sardines (1/2 tin, ~200 cal)
D: Melissa Joulwan's chocolate chili (the chocolate is 100% unsweetened cocoa, contains no sugar)